And I-ra-a-an, Iran so far away...

Finally. A bona fide, rabid, foaming-at-the-mouth, fist-smashing evil dictator we can all love to hate. Just as I thought the world was completely devoid of an entertaining, crazy-as-a-shithouse-rat strongman, along comes Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

You see, I'm convinced the world needs a better class of tyrant. The kind of guy who would keep a pool of sharks with frickin' laser beams on their heads. A dude who enjoys masturbating while shouting "Death To America!"

Used to be that Kim Jong-Il had a lock on the position. Although the chubby, rotund North Korean "Dear Leader" has been known to, you know, hold the world hostage with his nuclear warheads, the guy just doesn't inspire all that much fear.

Saddam Hussein? So '90s.

George Dubya? Puh-lease. My earwax could beat him at chess.

But Ahmadinejad's got it all. Religious fanaticism. Smarts. Scraggy beard. Not sure about the sharks with frickin' laser beams, but he is sniffing down some warheads.

His main weakness, though, is the usual anti-Israel obssession. If I were him, I'd probably go and pick on someone else.

France, for example.

But no, he had to go threaten to turn Israel into a giant smoking matza ball. And since I'm pretty sure Israel isn't interested in becoming an un-country, chances are good they'll soon turn him into red goo with a scraggy beard.

Oh well. At least Stephen Harper looks promising.