Harper sworn in as Führer
OTTAWA - Stephen Harper was sworn in as Canada's Führer today, promising a new golden age of prosperity, security and inclusiveness for all white heterosexual Albertans.
Sporting a new brush moustache and military-style uniform, Harper and his cabinet were sworn in during a lavish ceremony at Rideau Hall. During the swearing-in, each minister in turn stopped in front of the new Führer, clicked his heels and gave the new Heil Harper! salute before being administered the oath of office.
Later, at a press conference conducted at the National Press Gallery, an unusually animated Harper gave a short but impassioned speech in which he extolled the virtues of National Conservatism, or "Naci" as it has become affectionately known.
"For Canada to succeed, we must welcome all non-gay, non-minority Canadians who live in Alberta" implored Harper, occasionally slamming his fist on the lectern.
When asked for clarification, new Deputy-Führer Peter MacKay noted that Harper's policies have been plainly explained to Canadians by former PM Paul Martin.
Noticeably absent from the day's events was former Liberal cabinet minister Scott Brison. Brison, a leading candidate for the Liberal party leadership and one of a handful of openly-gay MPs, was reportedly reassigned in the middle of the night to a new "re-education" camp in Fort McMurray, Alberta, according to sources.
Sporting a new brush moustache and military-style uniform, Harper and his cabinet were sworn in during a lavish ceremony at Rideau Hall. During the swearing-in, each minister in turn stopped in front of the new Führer, clicked his heels and gave the new Heil Harper! salute before being administered the oath of office.
Later, at a press conference conducted at the National Press Gallery, an unusually animated Harper gave a short but impassioned speech in which he extolled the virtues of National Conservatism, or "Naci" as it has become affectionately known.
"For Canada to succeed, we must welcome all non-gay, non-minority Canadians who live in Alberta" implored Harper, occasionally slamming his fist on the lectern.
When asked for clarification, new Deputy-Führer Peter MacKay noted that Harper's policies have been plainly explained to Canadians by former PM Paul Martin.
Noticeably absent from the day's events was former Liberal cabinet minister Scott Brison. Brison, a leading candidate for the Liberal party leadership and one of a handful of openly-gay MPs, was reportedly reassigned in the middle of the night to a new "re-education" camp in Fort McMurray, Alberta, according to sources.
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