Buh-bye, Premier Jerkoff

Alberta Premier Boozy McBoozerson, a.k.a. King Ralph, a.k.a. Ralph Klein, told the Alberta legislature yesterday that he will leave office by the end of 2006 -- a full year and a half earlier than planned. The end of his chretienesque long goodbye was the result of a dismal backing by his Progressive Conservative Party at the annual convention.

Let's take a look at the man who has led and represented Alberta to the world for the past decade, shall we?

- In 2001, while on his way home from a Christmas party, a drunk-as-a-skunk Klein had his limo driver pull over in front of a homeless shelter. Witnesses say the premier yelled insults at a homeless man and threw coins at him before his driver caught on and hustled him out. A tearful Klein later admitted he had a drinking problem and received an outpouring of support from Albertans, who lauded him for his "courage". How touching.

- This behaviour was in no way surprising, however. In 1982, while mayor of Calgary, Klein told a dinner group of newcomers that his city does not welcome "bums" and he'll protect Calgarians from "a lot of creeps" looking for work.

- He has been an outspoken critic of gay marriage, saying it's okay to discriminate against gays and lesbians when it comes to marriage and threatened to use the notwithstanding clause in the constitution to prevent it from being imposed. But he did have this to say on the subject: "I have friends who are gays and friends who are lesbian and they're wonderful people.." Gee, Ralph -- you sure sound like a good friend to them.

Yet the most troubling aspect of all of this is the fact that Albertans overwhelmingly adored the man, apparently misinterpreting his penchant for thuggery as populism. While supporters would argue that he eliminated the provincial deficit and slashed the provincial debt, one has to ask at what cost? How much better off was that homeless man he humiliated after social programs were slashed to pay for it?

But cheer up Alberta, things are looking rosier for you now. You've done a good thing giving Klein a kick out the door, an act which automatically makes you 5% cooler. Now if you'd only stop sending right-wing zealots to Ottawa, I might even bump you up 10%.