Mr. T named Leafs head coach

TORONTO - The Toronto Maple Leafs introduced Mr. T as their 26th head coach at a press conference this morning, ending weeks of intense speculation as to who would fill the vacancy left by Pat Quinn.

The move has stunned sports observers, who had overwhelmingly predicted the job would be given to Paul Maurice.

"Paul Maurice was a capable candidate. However, I had indicated that our organization will be heading into a new direction. This is about as new a direction as we could go," said general manager John Ferguson Jr. "Mr. T brings a wealth of sporting knowledge to the Leafs. Who among us can forget how he defeated Rocky Balboa for the heavyweight championship of the world?", he said, garnering menacing looks from Mr. T as he apparently did not realize Rocky is in fact a fictional character.

Grabbing the microphone from Ferguson, Mr. T was philosophical about his appointment. "Quit your jibba jabba. I just want our boys to win the Stamford Cup. I don't care how they do it. No cup, I'm gonna kill them. But I tell you something. Mr. T's gonna work them hard. And they're gonna drink lots of milk."

Toronto Maple Leafs head coach Mr. T. "Quit your jibba jabba".

The late start of the press conference was attributed to "security concerns" at the airport. Sources have indicated that Mr. T experienced difficulty getting through the airport metal detector with his 50lbs of gold jewelry.

Mr. T ended the conference by commenting on the Ottawa Senators' chances of winning the cup this year.

"I pity the fools".