Pluto to IAU: Fuck You
Former ninth planet says it was not consulted over decision to strip it of planet status, decries "political bullshit"
TRANSNEPTUNIAN SPACE - Pluto, the obnoxious tiny former planet at the edge of our solar system, has lashed out at International Astronomical Union members who voted today to strip it of planet status.
"So now I'm a 'dwarf planet'? What the fuck does that mean?" raged Pluto in an exclusive interview with McQueensLand.
"I've been floating around for billions of years. I wake up this morning and turn on CNN only to discover you walking bug turds have all of a sudden decided I'm not a planet anymore? This is political bullshit. I was named after the god of the underworld, for Christ's sake. Now I'm a dwarf? Fuck you."
Earlier in the day, IAU members capped a week of raucous debate by formally adopting a resolution which states that the solar system contains "eight classical planets", and downgrades Pluto to "dwarf planet" status, which under the new definition is not considered a planet.
The frequently ill-tempered celestial body is no stranger to controversy. In 1978, when Charon was proposed as the name for it's newly-discovered moon, Pluto sent a message to Earth calling it "the gayest thing I've ever heard", adding "Try again, faggots." More recently, after the launch of the New Horizon's probe, Pluto vowed to "not be home" when the unmanned spacecraft completes it's short flyby after a decade of travel.
"Look, it's bad enough that I'm out here in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. And I'm really sick of Mars getting all the action, the fucking pansy. You'd act like an asshole too if you had to put up with that and not even be considered a planet. I make no apologies, so you can all eat my shit and choke on it."
Pluto saved it's biggest vitriolic burst for Mike Brown, the Caltech astronomer who today declared that "Pluto is dead".
"Why doesn't that cocksucker come here, I'll show him how dead Pluto is."
TRANSNEPTUNIAN SPACE - Pluto, the obnoxious tiny former planet at the edge of our solar system, has lashed out at International Astronomical Union members who voted today to strip it of planet status.
"So now I'm a 'dwarf planet'? What the fuck does that mean?" raged Pluto in an exclusive interview with McQueensLand.
"I've been floating around for billions of years. I wake up this morning and turn on CNN only to discover you walking bug turds have all of a sudden decided I'm not a planet anymore? This is political bullshit. I was named after the god of the underworld, for Christ's sake. Now I'm a dwarf? Fuck you."
Earlier in the day, IAU members capped a week of raucous debate by formally adopting a resolution which states that the solar system contains "eight classical planets", and downgrades Pluto to "dwarf planet" status, which under the new definition is not considered a planet.
The frequently ill-tempered celestial body is no stranger to controversy. In 1978, when Charon was proposed as the name for it's newly-discovered moon, Pluto sent a message to Earth calling it "the gayest thing I've ever heard", adding "Try again, faggots." More recently, after the launch of the New Horizon's probe, Pluto vowed to "not be home" when the unmanned spacecraft completes it's short flyby after a decade of travel.
"Look, it's bad enough that I'm out here in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. And I'm really sick of Mars getting all the action, the fucking pansy. You'd act like an asshole too if you had to put up with that and not even be considered a planet. I make no apologies, so you can all eat my shit and choke on it."
Pluto saved it's biggest vitriolic burst for Mike Brown, the Caltech astronomer who today declared that "Pluto is dead".
"Why doesn't that cocksucker come here, I'll show him how dead Pluto is."
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