Bush blames Michael Moore, Al Gore, cast of 'Friends' for 9/11
New York - In a shocking turn of events, U.S. President George W. Bush has shifted the blame for 9/11 squarely to what he calls the "new Axis of Evil" - filmmaker Michael Moore, former vice-president Al Gore, and the entire cast of the sitcom "Friends".
Speaking at the fifth anniversary remembrance ceremony at Ground Zero, Bush promised that all of America's resources would be "brought to bear to bring these enemies of freedom to justice".
"Intelligence reports have established these individuals as terrorists who are actively plotting to bring tyranny to America. They hate freedom with all their hearts. They hate America," said Bush. "As a consequence of their actions, our Homeland Security agents are pursuing these freedom-haters at this very moment."
Although sketchy on evidence, Bush's speech outlined a bewildering plot in which filmmaker Michael Moore used his films "Roger & Me" and "Bowling for Columbine" to "destabilize America's liberties, freedoms and corporate values through his traitorous liberal anti-freedom propaganda". Together with then-vice-president Al Gore, who attempted to "bring tyranny to the world and destroy America's freedom-loving industrial sector" by signing the Kyoto Accord, the pair "represent the worst sort of tyranny and hatred of freedom that any terrorist could display."
"My fellow Americans, these two individuals used their positions to undermine American society and open the door for Al-Qaeda to launch their attacks on this very spot five years ago. They are directly responsible for 9/11."
Bush further blamed the cast of the popular '90s sitcom "Friends" for encouraging Saddam Hussein to produce weapons of mass destruction.
"I understand from CIA operatives that Saddam Hussein was a huge fan of the show. And what did he learn? He learned that Americans are more concerned with Rachel's hair and Ross' infidelities than defending their country from freedom and tyranny. He realized that he could create his weapons of mass destruction freely and openly, in the face of America, and know that America's resolve would falter."
Bush refused to elaborate further, noting that Homeland Security officials would divulge more details at a press conference to be held at 3:00pm EDT.
When asked if the entire cast of "Friends" was implicit, Bush remarked that he thought Phoebe was likely duped and therefore innocent. "But we'll find out when she gets to Guantanamo, won't we?"
Speaking at the fifth anniversary remembrance ceremony at Ground Zero, Bush promised that all of America's resources would be "brought to bear to bring these enemies of freedom to justice".
"Intelligence reports have established these individuals as terrorists who are actively plotting to bring tyranny to America. They hate freedom with all their hearts. They hate America," said Bush. "As a consequence of their actions, our Homeland Security agents are pursuing these freedom-haters at this very moment."
Although sketchy on evidence, Bush's speech outlined a bewildering plot in which filmmaker Michael Moore used his films "Roger & Me" and "Bowling for Columbine" to "destabilize America's liberties, freedoms and corporate values through his traitorous liberal anti-freedom propaganda". Together with then-vice-president Al Gore, who attempted to "bring tyranny to the world and destroy America's freedom-loving industrial sector" by signing the Kyoto Accord, the pair "represent the worst sort of tyranny and hatred of freedom that any terrorist could display."
"My fellow Americans, these two individuals used their positions to undermine American society and open the door for Al-Qaeda to launch their attacks on this very spot five years ago. They are directly responsible for 9/11."
Bush further blamed the cast of the popular '90s sitcom "Friends" for encouraging Saddam Hussein to produce weapons of mass destruction.
"I understand from CIA operatives that Saddam Hussein was a huge fan of the show. And what did he learn? He learned that Americans are more concerned with Rachel's hair and Ross' infidelities than defending their country from freedom and tyranny. He realized that he could create his weapons of mass destruction freely and openly, in the face of America, and know that America's resolve would falter."
Bush refused to elaborate further, noting that Homeland Security officials would divulge more details at a press conference to be held at 3:00pm EDT.
When asked if the entire cast of "Friends" was implicit, Bush remarked that he thought Phoebe was likely duped and therefore innocent. "But we'll find out when she gets to Guantanamo, won't we?"
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